THE CAR RIDE AND OTHER POEMS
by Erin Fightmaster
by Erin Fightmaster
THE CAR RIDE
|
Sometimes the heat hits me as the door opens You smell the must and leather The faint odors of teenage boys It is quiet Seldom do I experience quiet these days The next fifteen minutes are mine As I put the car in drive And coast down the familiar pavement To my home Often, no noise is my company No radio, phon,e or passenger I am alone with my thoughts, my breath, my being It’s about me This time is precious and finite Sometimes a familiar song accompanies me The only passenger I really need Those melodies are familiar, cozy conversation No changes, predictable I engage with a hum or a loud belt Sometimes smiles and occasionally tears Outside the doors, images I’ve seen before They blur as I roll by Only red lights make visions clear A left, green arrow indicating quiet is coming to an end A deep breath I prepare for the beautiful chaos that is now my life My driveway Life starts again MY HEART My heart is a roadmap of experience Every emotion exploding from this fist-sized organ That fuels not just my body But drives my soul Its tendrils move Stretching, reaching, and Attaching to memories It is elastic, but with age Doesn’t rebound From pain, anguish, and loss The way that it used to My heart is seen in the warm, baked cookies With their fragrance wafting Through my home That hugs with invisible arms That keep you safe My heart has been in pieces That are reassembled By the effervescent smile Of my husband or The belly laugh of my daughter Whose giggles bounce like bubbles Along a brook My heart is a novel A vivid, clear beginning Torment of a cyclone And the calm after the storm Resting in my 40s The ending is not yet written But lying on a table Like a thousand-piece puzzle Waiting to be assembled One step at a time As the changing image of My heart unfolds AN UNFORGETTABLE DAY Ulcers Week Of crazy Pain Sallow eyes Shades of green Exhaustion beyond belief Again Really? Back To the hospital He’s worried He always worries About me Tests More tests Iron deficiency? The doctor Says Wait, One more test Scared He’s back He looks Different Well It’s something Is your husband here? Yes Tell me first You’re expecting You have to be F’ing kidding me Laughter Tears Shock My husband Is brought in He stands brave I bring him in Embracing I show him THE test Pregnant ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TODAY On the other side of today Ominous problems lie Words will spill over Causing sould to cry On the other side of today Is the breaking of a heart Actions leading to consequences Pleading for a fresh start On the other side of today Lungs trying to breathe Suffocation of tangled words Air that begins to seethe On the other side of today Shadows of a horrid mark Light is far to distant a path To go through in the dark On the other side of today You were once a boy Problems of the past can be healed And a future can have joy On the other side of today I fear I’ve come too late Not knowing what lies ahead Forces one to wait On the othe rside of today Fire you have fanned You are the only one Who can decide when you are a man WHAT IS FAIR? My parents decided to have a child Not me I am a woman, not a man Genetics chose that I will always be racing for at best second place In a world that values Male and white above me How is this fair? Pink tax vs discount products Having to wear a top at a pool Creating ridiculous tan lines My chest is “too much” for people to see Look feminine, stay clean Shave and show no hair How is it fair? I can never walk to my car alone when it is dark My keys clutched in my fingers “Just in case” I can’t smile or be nice to a man, Unless “’ I’m asking for unwanted attention.” My phone has tracking, so my loved ones Can find me if I am alone Female independence is not fair |